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Hold, Bake, Love

2010-03-10T21:43:50Z

K has been inconsolable all day. He wants to be held all the time. If he's not being held, he's on the floor writhing and crying and jamming his little fingers into tiny fists. It breaks my heart and at the same time, I'm exhausted. I'm sick too and my body is tired and part of me just wants to lie on the couch and let him wail.

But I don't. Well, not for more than I have to to make lunch or go pee or pick up something off the floor (he's too heavy now for me to bend down while holding him). As I type, he's strapped to my chest, sleeping, finally. I'm standing by the side of the bed with my laptop propt up on pillows. I've been standing for the last hour and will probably (hopefully) have to stand for another hour. If I sit down, he wakes up.

I'm complaining, I know, and this blog is not supposed to be about complaining. It's supposed to be about pretty, happy things or at least thoughtful, considered things. Not tired complaints.

But here we are.

My back hurts.

I'm tired.

I'm sad that my baby feels so bad.

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C and I started making a double batch of sugar cookies this morning. We've had the TV on non-stop since they've been sick, but C is feeling a lot better and I wanted to give him something fun today even though he can't yet go outside. He loves to bake with me and was so excited when I suggested we make some cookies. I let him open the box of butter and lay the sticks out to soften, he poured the sugar and counted the cups of flour I poured into the mixer. When the dough was mixed, he had a go at rolling it out and then I gave him a little ball of dough to play with while I finished up. (Meanwhile, K was strapped to my back.) The rolled out dough is now waiting in the fridge (I use the Cookie Craft technique - mix, roll, refridgerate, cut, cook, refridgerate again if needed) for us to cut into shapes.

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From the time I was a very little girl, my grandmother would let me help her in the kitchen. She had (and still has) a tiny kitchen, but there was enough room for me to stand on a stool and pinch pie crusts or just sit up on the counter and watch her work. I loved to watch her cook. I loved to sit and talk to her while she worked. She likes to talk, my grandma, and she'd talk and talk about what she was doing, our family, her life story, her opinions on whatever. It made me feel important. And, when I needed to talk, she would listen, advise, support. Sometimes we would argue. But usually, we would just talk and cook and bake.

It is the beating of his hideous heart!

2010-03-09T22:23:00Z

This crocheted anatomical heart was originally intended as a gift, but a turn of events made the gift slightly inappropriate for its intended recipient so now it is sitting quite contentedly on our mantle. Isn't it adorable/disgusting/fascinating?

plush anatomical heart from Shannon Gerard

(The cute-yet-shocking crocheted items at Shannon's etsy shop range from naughty to, well, less naughty and may or may not be appropriate for work. Just sayin'.)

Once our house is more orderly, I'll post more pictures. I'm having fun decorating the house, mostly in my head, because we're still lacking some essential pieces of furniture - a TV stand and bookcases, for instance. I don't want to put anything on the walls until we find these pieces, but we're on a super tight budget so I'm hoping to find everything we need second-hand. I've also been rearranging the furniture almost daily (Yubo hates this about me, but I can't help myself!) Still, I've never had an actual mantle before and I'm having fun arranging my pictures and knick-knacks on it, like this funny little heart.

In Other News

2010-03-09T15:33:07Z

I have a new girl crush:

Carey Mulligan in Prada at the Oscars

She is just too cute. I must note that I have a thing for that pixie look. My favorite actresses (when based solely on the very important factor of looks) are Audrey Hepburn and Natalie Portman.

Audrey!

Natalie!

Pattern?

Aside from her cute little face and adorable pixie cut, I love everything about her Oscar night look. On a night with precious few standouts and more than a few downright what-were-you-thinking looks, everything about Carey's outfit is right. The short in front, long in back Prada dress. The gorgeous beading. Her dangly earrings as the only jewelry. Her understated make-up. Those shoes!! *swoon*

And now I find out that she played Kitty in the not-as-good-as-the-BBC-version of Pride and Prejudice. One thing about the not-as-good-as-the-BBC-version - aside from Keira Knightly, whose acting tends to irritate me (charming pixie looks aside), I thought the girls who played the sisters in the not-as-good-as-the-BBC-version were very good. (Especially Rosamund Pike as Jane - she was perfect!) (As for our dear Lizzie, Jennifer Ehle will always be Lizzie in my mind.)

(P&P forevah!)

UPDATE: OMG, you have to see this!

Detail of Carey's dress via Style Rookie

Do you see that? That is not beading! That there is mini utencils! Tiny sissors! OMG!

I love her so much more now.

Case of the Swine

2010-03-09T15:02:40Z

So now, rather than thinking we all have different bugs, Yubo has put it in my head that we all have H1N1.

UGH!

I refuse to get all worked up about the dreaded swine. It's the flu. It's perhaps a bit more dangerous than a typical flu strain, which can be dangerous but in the vast majority of cases pass without incident.

I'm watching for warnings signs that something is seriously amiss, but aside from the fact that K still has a low-grade fever after a brief respite, the Niagra Falls of runny noses and diarrhea and C now has a cough/weird voice (but no fever), I think they are mostly okay (kind of, not really). I'm most concerned about K right now. He has had diarrhea since last Monday. It got better (i.e. more solid), but yesterday it was pretty much liquid again. (I know! TMI! But he's a baby. Baby poop is fair game.) He's still drinking and not dehydrated so I'm not too worried. Just enough to disturb my sleep at night. (Heh.)

The irony is that I did mean to get the kids vaccinated. C actually got the first dose (of both H1N1 and seasonal flu), but then he was sick when it was time for the booster dose and then our insurance changed because of Yubo's new job and we didn't have a new pediatrician lined up. Our pediatrician only had flu mist available at the time and that isn't approved for children under 2 so K was not vaccinated. I can't even remember if I got vaccinated for seasonal flu or not, but I'm pretty sure I didn't. I have been getting the vaccine every year since I was pregnant with C, but with the insurance/move thing, I guess I just let it slide this year.

Whatever this is - and I'm pretty sure it's some sort of flu - it sucks. Boo!

This Week's Menu

2010-03-08T17:32:43Z

We're not feeling all that much better this morning, but we're also not at all worse. So life goes on.

Here is this week's menu, heavy on simply prepared dishes:

Monday - TJ's BBQ ribs, corn on the cob, roasted small potatoes, something green

Tuesday - roasted mackerel, bap, ggim, miso soup, kkak tugi

Wednesday - sauteed brocolli and garlic over whole wheat penne pasta, salad

Thursday - pre-marinated Chicken Tikka, mango chutney, basmati rice, naan

Friday - TJ's tomato red pepper soup with canned corn and a bit of sour cream, salad

Saturday - dinner with my parents

Sunday - instant refrigerated jajangmyun (it really is much less gross than it sounds) with cucumbers

Icky

2010-03-08T04:57:49Z

Is how I feel.

The boys have been down with fevers hovering around 102 all weekend. C seemed much better by this afternoon, but then he had a total emotional breakdown before dinner that kind of suggested that perhaps he was not quite well yet. K still had a fever at bedtime, but he seemed a little better overall as well aside from a loose cough and the fountain of snot coming out of his nose. C doesn't even seem to have a cold at all, just a fever and a headache last night, which makes me worry that they have different bugs, which in turn makes me want to bang my head against the wall.

I am also sick, but with a sore throat, sinus congestion and body aches but no fever, headache or runny nose at all. Again, different bug? GAR!

Yubo is the only one still standing and has been our devoted nurse all weekend. Tonight, however, his throat is feeling funny.

Ever since we've moved I've been really go, go, go about everything and I have all these plans and projects and goals and having everybody sick just really throws everything off. More than anything, it's irritating. There is still so much to be done! We were just getting into the groove of living here. C was even supposed to start at his new preschool tomorrow.

But, in a way, it's been nice to be holed up together at home this weekend watching Thomas the Tank Engine and Kipper on an endless loop, reading the new picture books I picked up for the kids when I was out on Saturday morning before we had realized that the kids were really sick, eating take-out from newly discovered but disappointingly unimpressive places in our neighborhood. It was nice to just be. Together. At home. We haven't done much of that yet in this place and it somehow makes our new place feel a bit more like home.

Inspire Me Monday

2010-03-01T21:31:53Z

or the past couple of years I have marked the beginning of spring with the sunny arrival of daffodils at Trader Joe's. I love having fresh flowers in the house, but I usually resist the temptation because it seems like a frivolous waste of money in these difficult times. But a bunch of daffodils is, I think, $1.29 at Trader Joe's. This Saturday I bought three.

Daffodils are one of my favorite flowers. Not only do they herald in spring, but they are yellow, which really, makes all the difference in the world. Yellow is my favorite color. It is happy and bright and makes even the worst things just a teeny, tiny bit better.

Daffodils via Design*Sponge

Daffodils in my new kitchen. So my arrangement can't hold a candle to the one from Design*Sponge, but it still makes me happy.

Cowards or Congressmen

2010-02-28T22:40:10Z

I don't think I've ever cared so much or been so disappointed about the state of American politics in my life. I really have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that our congressmen and women care more about their reelection than an issue as crucial as health care reform. I understand that this is their career, that their professional lives are tied up in their electability, that they don't want to commit career suicide supporting reform when its success depends on other congressmen who are also nervous about their own reelection chances. But! This is health care. They have a chance to substantially improve the lives of millions of Americans and they are choosing their own political ambition instead. That sickens me.

Obviously, I'd never survive in politics.

But seriously, why be a Democrat in Congress at all if you aren't willing to put your political future on the line for an issue like health care? Why? I simply don't understand why you'd even bother.

And speaking of political futures, do these people really think that without passing health care reform, any independent is really going to put their stock in a Democrat? The independents that don't want health care reform are going to vote for a Republican anyway. I mean, seriously, if that's what it comes down to, that's going to be their choice, I would think. But the independents that want health care reform and can see that Democrats are too pathetic to get their act together and actually do anything productive with their (still) huge majority in both houses? Don't you think they and many of their Democratic party counterparts are just going to stay home on election day?

Pass health care reform. We sent you there to do this. Not to sit on your hands and say, "Oh, but, well, you know, it's his fault, really. And, well, you know, deficit and, um, abortion maybe? And also, like, well, filibuster? And, um, yes."

Inspire Me (Uh) Thursday

2010-02-25T19:56:12Z

eah. So. Hello there Thursday. How quickly you crept up on me. Sorry about that, dear Monday. There, there. Life goes on.

So, right. It's been a couple weeks, and I'm sure as we've been moving into our new lovely little house, the world has come to a standstill in the wake of my absence.

Seriously, though, it's so nice to have my internet back and I've very much missed perusing the world wide web for bits of inspiration. It just makes my day brighter, knowing that there is such loveliness out there. And that maybe I could have a little piece of it.

And speaking of little pieces, these photos of petite gardens in potholes make my heart go all a-flutter. You see, I live in an actual house now with an actual yard that gets actual direct sunlight, all of which means, of course, that I must have a garden now. (I must. It's really not an option.) But the problem is that I have a tendency to kill plants. It's a big problem for an aspring gardener, I admit, but I blame it on the fact that I've only ever had indoor plants, which are, well, irritatingly fussy and needy and I've got enough of that in my life from my actual children so sue me if my indoor plants get a bit shafted. But outdoor plants! They're not like that, right? I mean, I know you have to tend to them and such, but sunlight and dirt and water and then poof! Garden! Right? Plus outdoor plants are actually pretty and maybe even useful (tomato and herb garden, I want thee!). But again, since I of black thumbness have a bad track record, I need to keep my garden small and manageable.

Pete Dungey Pothole Gardens via Oh Joy!

Small? Manageable? Prettyprettypretty?

There aren't a lot of potholes out here in Suburbia (surprise, surprise), but this gives me ideas for transforming little bits of our outdoor space and adding bursts of color and beauty even though I can't re-do the whole garden. I meant to take a little plot of space in the side yard to make a small vegetable garden, but maybe I'll also put my mark on some other parts of the yard.

Leaving Los Angeles

2010-02-24T22:49:26Z

I've started writing for LA Moms Blog again and this is my first post, written right before I left the city for the 'burbs:

I love LA. Really, I do. I love the way it's all spread out; the way you can drive down Venice Boulevard through neighborhoods so different you might think you're in totally different cities (but you're not). I love the ocean breezes, the envy-inducing weather (not withstanding the recent rain/hail storms and freak tornado warnings), the way the sun looks as it sets over the ocean, nestled between Malibu and the Palos Verdes Peninsula. I love the diversity of this city, especially as a biracial Asian American. I love that I can get really, really great ethnic food all over the city, be it Korean or Cuban or Ethiopian. It may not be New York - all constant buzz and not-a-moment-to-spare-for-you - but I love that Los Angeles moves fast, that there's always something going on, that it's exciting, but at the same time, you can escape to the beach or the mountains or the canyons and find yourself in what feels like a whole different world (but its not!). I even love the comforting familiarity of the 405, the way it bends to follow Sepulveda Boulevard and arcs around the South Bay, the way I know the freeway exits and what lays beyond them. I love that in LA, every day is an adventure.

Of course I'm not about to assert that LA is a utopian dreamland of any sort, but every city has its problems. We have bad traffic, congested freeways, pernicious gangs, silicone implants and Botox parties, the Los Angeles Unified School District and exploding pipes. I haven't shut my eyes and stuck my fingers in my ears at the high (and seemingly unreasonable) cost of living, the way people drive when it rains, the lack of neighborly friendliness.

Still, I love LA. And, without fail, I'm always mildly offended when I hear somebody bag on Los Angeles. I grew up in the suburbs south of the city and I've only lived inside LA's official city limits for about six years, but I consider it my hometown. I know this city. I get this city.

But next week, I'll be leaving it.

Read the rest of this post at Los Angeles Moms Blog